Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Internal Conflict Blogfest

You can still enter my contest! Okay onto the Blogfest! :)


Jessica from The Alliterative Allomorph is holding the illusive internal conflict Blogfest. I invite you to go to her blog and visit her side bar where the list of other Internal Conflict Writers have participated! ;)

Hmmm . . .

This should be fun! Muahahahah! >D

This is my very first baby, Tragic Innocence, high fantasy. *Cooing* I started it out once upon a time when I was 17 years old. This is in its 4th-draft-before-I-learned-about-adverbs-and-adjectives state. In its purple prosey full glory. *Sigh* The good old days of ignorant bliss.

:D

Spring Brook is a sprite and very much in love with Crow, an elf warrior. She is showing a certain emotion toward Crow's unexpected guest, Pentulla. Can you guess what Spring Brook is feeling?


"


Spring Brook began to quake with unspeakable jealousy as she sneered with criticism the beauty of the fair maiden. She was too pale for her liking. Her hair was too flaxen to the point that its under-hue shown too blue. As for her eyes, well, they were much too large for such a small face! Her chin was too pointed and her nose too long and narrow!


Spring Brook felt her chest rattling against her trembling palm that rested heavily against it. “Crow is mighty foolish for bringing in such fluff into my home! How dare he, how dare he!” Her voice rumbled deeply like an angry animal ready to pounce.


The maiden’s lashes lowered and Spring Brook followed her gaze to the hands that clasped a small leather pouch. Spring Brook’s heart stopped. The pouch was Crow’s. Her brows slashed downward with livid confusion. Who is this stranger and why did she possess something that belonged to Spring Brook’s beloved Crow? Answers, answers must be had!


A slight movement pulled Spring Brook’s attention as she recognized it as Crow’s hand. It barely skimmed the arm of the mysterious maiden, then lifted and dropped back down, nearly patting the small pouch within the nestling grasp of the accursed wench.


Spring Brook could feel her hackles rising and the many hairs upon her body bristle. She bared her teeth and clenched her hands into white-knuckled fists. “Oh no you don’t!” she hissed, holding herself back with such violence that her entire body began to tremble.


Spring Brook craned her neck a little further until she could make out Crow’s face by half. A wrinkly smile tickled the corners of his lips and an unfamiliar spark lit his brown eyes. She seethed with blooming resentment. Where had he been these past few fortnights only to come back bearing a stranger into this peaceful home?


Spring Brook hurled herself back into the enveloping darkness of the corridor and stilled her throbbing heart. How could Crow do this to her? She could feel her world crashing down all around her and the thought of being replaced made her angry. Did Crow find her somewhere and did his heart take pity upon her shabbiness? Was that the reason why he had dragged home the stray? A stray, came the thought as sharp as a piercing arrow. Was that what he thought of Spring Brook? Because I was on the brink of starvation when my valiant warrior came across--Spring Brook shook her head. What was she thinking of to be comparing herself to this homeless vagabond that now sat primly across from Spring Brook?


Crow’s soft laughter filtered into her steaming ears as she jerked back around the corner once more. This time his eyes were dancing as he reached out to grab for the nymph’s hand.


“Oh no you don’t!” Spring Brook bit her lip until she tasted blood.

"


I hope you enjoyed this excerpt. Your thoughts are always welcome! ;)

25 comments:

  1. Poor Spring Brook. My ears would be steaming, too. Love the excerpt.

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  2. Hi Tina! LOL, you're so cute, thank you!! :D

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  3. Bad bad Crow!!!!!

    I love Spring Brook's inner torment! You capture all her rage and jealousies in a very sensual and sexy way.

    Thanks for sharing.
    p.s. love the illustrations !!!

    Take care

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  4. Ooooh! Nymphs and high fantasy...Sold! Very nice, Spring Brook is feeling some serious pangs of jealousy!!! Found myself so curious to see where this was going...does Springbrook kick the stray's ass???Nice work Elizabeth!!

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  5. I like the idea, and I love the illustrations to go with it. I think quite a few of the sentences end up a little cumbersome though.

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  6. I love high fantasy! And you have pictures to go with it! Very neat :)

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  7. I'm not a very big fantasy fan, but this was fantastically gritty and sexy. Velvety yet sticky, if I can possibly use those word to describe Spring's jealously? Great!

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  8. Hmm, why do I have the feeling that the "stray" is actually his sister or something?
    I actually didn't mind the purpletude, it was fun! Sometimes writers try so hard to be perfect that they lose their uniqueness.
    I think Spring is gonna 'splode!
    Nice job!

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  9. Your illustrations have such good movement, Elizabeth. And I love your description, especially- accursed wench. That was my favorite. This story is way fun.

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  10. Great pictures to go with a great internal conflict story! Poor Spring, but I have the feeling she'll get the upper hand soon... and then Crow, beware!

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  11. I love the name Spring Brook!

    Internal conflict is a weakness of mine. You do it well.

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  12. Hi Kitty, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the compliment!

    Angela! LOL, well, yes, she eventually corners Pentulla and they get into a huge fight. It's funny. :D

    Hi Stu! Thanks for your comments. Yes, it is wordy. Lucky it isn't ready for agent submissions! ;)

    Thank you, Aubrie, I'm glad you like them. :)

    Wow, Jessica, great description and feeling, I like how you used them together!

    Whew, a writer after my own heart. I so agree with you on that, Andrew. I used to love purple when I first started out, but I had to ween it out. *sigh* Spring Brook does 'splode' and actually, Pentulla is not Crow's sister, he rescued her from the goblin's stronghold. :D

    Hi Tessa! Oh, yes, you are right. That does happen. lol.

    Thank you, Lisa. It was so fun writing that. :D

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  13. Good entry. We do see the internal conflict and particular know about the jealousy she feels. The pictures are a nice touch.

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  14. Hello, Dawn, thank you! I can't wait to read yours now! ;)

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  15. I happen to enjoy purple prose when done well. You did it well here :)

    This was fun, and I really like her.

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  16. Thank you, Tara. That means a lot to me!!! :)

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  17. Wow. Great entry. I really loved the character's names and the illustrations were wonderful additions to the story telling.

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  18. Hello Elizabeth! Love the name Spring Brook. Love the story. I'm looking forward to more. Are you looking for editing/revision suggestions (I love them as you know) or is that a no, no? I'm new.

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  19. Sarahjayne, hi! It's nice to see you. :D Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed them! :)

    Hello Frankie! If you want to offer any kind of suggestion, you are more than welcome to do so. This story was written so many years ago, I will edit and revise it first chance I get! :)
    (This is actually an excerpt for a Blogfest which is when Bloggers participate with a piece of their work, depending on what the rules of the host is!) It's fun, we should hold a poetry blogfest!

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  20. great story...you had me right there with them. That's what a great story is all about! Thanks for following my blog too. I'm glad we made contact.

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  21. Jealousy is always a good motivator for conflict.

    Nicely done. Very entertaining.

    .........dhole

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  22. Elizabeth, A poetry blogfest? When? What are the rules?

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  23. Hi Donna! Thank you! :D

    Glad you like, DS ;)

    Hi Frankie! I'll post my comment on your blog! :)

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