Friday, August 6, 2010

Change Blogfest

I'd like to thank every one of you who have joined my blogfest in honors of Sangu!

Please remember to join in on the fun by visiting and commenting on other entries! :D



The following excerpt is from my fantasy novel, Heartsong, written 8 years ago. Lendour was exiled from his kingdom, cursed to to track down the wayward elfin princess and bring her back home. The elders of his realm erased his memory of his former self, and had transformed him from a centaur to a two-legged being.

Here, he has awakened from his 'deep sleep' of change.

(I wrote this before I knew of adverb no-nos and other such fine-lines, but I hope you enjoy it any way!)




Everything was deep and black. The only sensation he could feel was spinning. Spinning so intense he feared for his life. His arms jerked outward grasping for whatever he could find to hold himself still. Something wet and very, very cold gave way within his frantic grasp.

Suddenly, an excruciating soreness enveloped the entire lower region of his body. He drew in his breath with a rasping wheeze. He quickly turned, heaving whatever contents his stomach contained. An unwelcoming wave of stomach churning slashed through him.

Lendour moaned. His insides feeling as if someone had sliced him open, and poured liquid fire down. His numb hands reflexively covered his throat, and he could feel them freezing upon his prickling skin. What in Gyndour’s name was happening to him? He rolled onto his side, feeling a frigid wetness seep through his clothing. Where was he?

The tormented Sylventuarian dared to open his eyelids as the soft glow of white violated his susceptible eyes. He groaned once more. He lay still, tuning his fine hearing to that of a gentle flapping of material in the biting breeze. What could that be? He tried his sight anew, but this time fully expecting the onslaught of brightness.

His surroundings were a dim blue with white as floating flecks caught in his lengthy lashes and fur-lined hood that covered his throbbing head. The moon was full, like a ghostly disc silently hovering, its pale beams breaking forcefully through snow-engorged clouds that yawned lazily above the horizon.

Lendour staggered to his feet, strangely expecting the feel of overpowering strength and sinew in his legs. But he did not. Rather, they trembled and he tumbled face first into the deepening snow. He wobbled as he strove for balance upon hands and knees. Something was fiercely wrong, but he could not tell what. He cradled his head, accidentally throwing the hood aside. Soft long hair, reflecting the pale blue of the moon, tickled his face. He brushed it aside.

He lifted his chin and noted a towering tent. Haughty and majestic, stabbing the open glen all by its lonesome. A dim light shown through its thick material as a small flag at the very peak waved about.

With curiosity snared, the weary Lendour rose to his feet and clumsily lumbered to the object in focus. Clumsily? He analyzed his precarious position. Why did that seem such a novelty to him? He shook his head. So many bizarre things were occurring to him and he could not quite place it!

With stubborn determination, Lendour brushed aside the haunting threat of the unknown and pressed onward to the extravagant shelter.

19 comments:

  1. It's a great entry! Makes me wonder what sort of changes have befallen the protag. I didn't notice any glaring typos, mistakes or adverbs...in fact, I think I still use too many of them myself!

    Thanks for organising this blogfest! Good work!

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  2. Thats great Elizabeth, indomitable will-I love it. And cool I get to be unlucky 13 for your blogfest.

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  3. I really enjoyed Lendour's awakening! I felt his confusion and his physical discomfort! I think you captured his change here really evocatively!

    Well done you!
    Take care
    x

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  4. Well that was puzzling... At first I was wondering if Lendour had mixed red and white wine. Then I got to thinking he was changing into a vamp. A tantalizing morsel you put before us. : j

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  5. Oh no! I forgot to put up an entry. (scurries to create a post...)

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  6. It seems a bit over-written (if you'll pardon my saying so) but intriguing. What kind of transformation has actually taken place? From person to animal, or vice-versa? Or something else entirely? The long, blue hair is a great image. Is he in snow? The cold wetness implies that, but you didn't quite say.

    I think with some editing this could be a great scene!

    This was a great topic for a blogfest, by the way. Thanks for hosting!

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  7. Oooh, this really intrigued me about the changes he's experiencing!

    There were some bits where I thought the descriptions felt a little clunky, and that you 'told' us too much information. Given it's a scene out of context, though, that's understandable! But I think it's a great entry, clunky bits and all!

    Thanks for this! :-)

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  8. Oh this was a great entry. I wasn't ready to quit reading. Thanks for hosting this blogfest, it was fun!

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  9. Thanks for hosting the blogfest. It's been fun reading the entries. Don't have the brain to pull something out to contribute this time, maybe I'll hit the next one.

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  10. Oooh, I liked this! Made me want to read more.

    I just posted something today, or I definitely would have joined in!

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  11. The moon was full, like a ghostly disc silently hovering, its pale beams breaking forcefully through snow-engorged clouds that yawned lazily above the horizon. --Nice.
    Very visual scene. Nicely done.

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  12. Thanks for the fun blogfest.

    I feel as lost as the character in this entry. There are some great points. You really get into the character and his confusion. I'm not sure what change is in this one. But I am interested in the story based on the excerpt.

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  13. Very jarring change from a four-legged to a two-legged creature, like a baby taking his first steps. It's a great example of transformation. Thank you for hosting all of us and thanks for visiting my blog! Blogfests are soooo much fun.

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  14. J.C, hi and welcome! Thank you, I'm happy that you enjoyed my piece. :D I have a tendency to be vague as my work is taken out of context. My MC had god-like attributes (all knowing and powerful magic). He was a centaur and know is an elf left with no magic but for the tools that was left with him. He eventually regains his memory. Thanks for dropping by! :)

    David, awww, 13 is a lucky number! Always has been good to me. >) Muahahah! I'm glad you enjoyed my entry! :D

    Jennifer, thank you for your compliments. I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

    Alesa. Oooh, interesting thoughts! That would make a great story, too! Sorry for the confusion. ;)

    Christine, you're so cute. ;) I implied that it snowed from the floating white specks and the snow-engorged clouds in paragraph 5. I know there are rules to trust our readers, but maybe I take it to the far end of the spectrum and leave out too much? :(

    Sangu, LOL!! I'm glad you liked the clunky bits of soup I made for you! :D

    Renae, thank you! That's comforting to hear! Have a great weekend! :)

    Jolene, I understand! I know there will always be blogfests. (How writers love to share their writing, it's wonderful!)

    Hi Rebecca! Aw, that's okay, I understand. It counts that you came by and read and not only that, but liked!!! *Hugs*

    E. Arroyo--I'm so glad you liked the description there! *Blushing* I do love purple prose, too bad I have to snip-snip these days. :(

    Dawn, I know what you mean. I described more setting and internalization rather than his glancing down his body to see what changed. Thanks for the insight! :)

    Angela, thank YOU for reading my stuff and--yes, I am quite flattered that you understood that he was transformed from a 4-legged to a 2-legged! Have a wonderful weekend! :)

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  15. I missed the snow-engorged clouds, Elizabeth. For some reason, I don't read as well online as I do with a printed page. I must be getting old.

    Please stop by and check out my 100 Followers Contest. I'm announcing a new blogfest tomorrow, too!

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  16. You have a lovely writing style, Elizabeth! This is a great change, I love how unsteady he is on his (two) legs, how he's not quite sure what's wrong with the picture.

    A very worthy entry, thank you for hosting this 'fest, sharing this scene with us (and forgiving my double entry)!

    tessa.xx

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  17. Christine--I'm so sorry! I know, reading stuff on screen confuses me lots too. That's why I love holding a book in my hands (no eBooks, please...) :( Thank you for inviting me to your contest!

    Tessa, I loved your double entry. I don't mind reading. You're great yourself! Thank you for joining and for the bloghop--it's fun! :)

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  18. Hi, Elizabeth, Roland the weary blood courier here. Sometimes working ten hour 200 mile days makes the mind blur in what I have and haven't done.

    I am sorry I haven't gotten to your changes entry until now.

    Your writing, as always, is visual and enticing, pulling us into the mind of your protagonist. We wonder what is happening to him. I wanted to turn the next page that wasn't there.

    You did a great job. My loss for not having read it sooner.

    Thank you for hosting such an interesting and thought-provoking blogfest. I pray it did all that you wished of it. Roland

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  19. Hi Roland--I hope I didn't make you feel bad by asking your thoughts. I do value them. I know that driving long is wearing. Are you an OTR driver? Do you carry your laptop with you and access the internet via satellite? There's nothing better than that open road. I'm proud how you spend your time with your writing!

    Take care, my friend. :)

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